Don Lloyd Wreden

Obituary for Don Wreden, in his own words.

September 5th, 1953 - January 29th, 2025

 Don Wreden passed away peacefully at his home on Wednesday, January 29th, 2025. He was active both mentally and physically until the last few months of his life, during which time he was the beneficiary of loving palliative and hospice care. 

 Don and his family spent much time during his last years reminiscing about the many experiences they have had both individually and together. There was much laughter and there were occasional tears during these many times of reflection. All agreed that Don’s life was very well lived.

 Don was born in the small South Texas farm town of Raymondville on September 5, 1953. He was very small at his birth and initially had much difficulty breathing. His mother described him as a “blue baby”, and the delivering physician "Doc Heins" told Don’s parents that he would likely not survive his first night. However, Don did survive, leaving him with a lifelong sense of optimism and belief in his ability to overcome hardships.

 Don grew up on the family farm as the youngest of 4 children (Don’s siblings are Elaine Wolfe, Johny Wreden, and Carolyn Little). In this environment, Don learned to creatively entertain himself while also learning the value of hard work. Don was always a curious person, often eager to have adventures exploring the world and the boundaries which surrounded him. During his early years, Don’s mischievous nature frequently created behavioral challenges at school. However, he eventually learned to more constructively channel his curiosity and his drive for adventure. 

 In his early teenage years, Don came to realize that he wanted to find his way out of the south Texas farm with its heat and humidity. He attended Saint Stephen’s Episcopal School, a co-educational boarding school in Austin Texas, for his last 3 years of high school. There, Don became aware of many possible new worlds of mental and physical adventures. He became involved in sports for the first time. He became the captain and MVP of both the soccer and cross country teams. Don went to undergraduate school at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire where he graduated magna cum laude in 1975 with honors in his major field of Biology. Don rowed on the Dartmouth varsity crew team and was an officer in his fraternity. Also while at Dartmouth, Don discovered his love of biology, psychology, and ultimately medicine. Don became clear that he wanted to go to medical school rather than fulfilling the family expectation that he return home to the farm. While this was initially a disappointment to his parents, they ultimately came to respect and embrace Don’s decision. Don graduated from the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School at Dallas in 1979. He subsequently completed his internship, residency, and chief residency in Internal Medicine at the University of Arizona Medical Center in Tucson, Arizona.

 Don’s life was forever changed in the spring of 1983 when he met Maxine (Max) Barish. She was unlike anyone he had ever known! She was precisely the “very beautiful and very brilliant hippy” that he had always dreamed about but never found. Don moved to Chicago to be with Max who was in medical school at University of Chicago. After two years together, they were married in 1985. It is no exaggeration to say that they were the absolute love of each other’s lives. In 1985, Don and Max moved to Sacramento, California where Max did her residency in Internal Medicine at UC Davis, and Don joined an internal medicine practice focusing on primary care and hospital medicine. They enjoyed the wonders of living in northern California for the remainder of their lives together.

 Don and Max were blessed with 3 incredible children: Davey, Doug, and Julia. Each of their children has brought unique and brilliant energy to the world in diverse ways, while enriching the lives, perspectives, and humility of their parents. In 2019, Julia was married to Mike Dalstrom. Jamie Aaron Dalstrom arrived as the family’s first grandchild in June of 2023, a source of unimaginable joy.

 Don’s professional career evolved over the years, including 18 years practicing Internal Medicine with Sutter Medical Group, 12 years as President of Sutter Medical Group, and 8 years as Sutter Health’s Senior Vice President of Patient Experience. Don enjoyed serving in many healthcare leadership roles over his career, including membership on the Sutter Health Board of Directors and Chairman of the American Medical Group Association Board of Directors.

 Throughout their lives together, Don and Max found ways to embrace adventures in travel, nature, musical theater, community activities, and family connections around the world. They were often drawn like salmon to their birthplaces of New York City and Texas. While often listening to various styles of music, they felt most energized when dancing to swing music! Don loved playing the piano in his self-taught style, while Max became an accomplished bagpiper. Don and Max often watched movies at home, allowing for closed captions which gradually became necessary for them. Don was part of a wonderful men’s book club which helped mitigate deterioration of his mental and social skills :). During the later part of his life, Don also found joy in writing about his life experiences and in serving as a mentor to others. His curiosity and his sense of adventure never wavered.

 Don was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in July of 2022. Nurtured by his family and a loving community, Don embraced traditional regimens of chemotherapy and surgery, in addition to dietary interventions, meditation, acupuncture, massage therapy, clinical hypnotherapy, and prayer. With this support, he enjoyed relative longevity with a good quality of life. Don openly shared a diverse array of insights during his journey, leading to his becoming a grateful inspiration to many others.

 Over the years through times of both challenge and abundance, Don and Max supported each other in ways consistent with their 1985 wedding vows written to each other on a napkin during dinner at a Thai restaurant in Chicago: 

 “I take you to be my partner, my friend, and my confidante,

and to be the parent of my children. 

And I offer to you my support and loyalty in times of strength and need, 

while accepting our human limitations and frailties, 

so long as we both shall live.”

 Don lived an abundantly rich life, filled with curiosity, adventure, and love. He completed his earthly adventures very clear that he was a blessed man.